When we first came to Christian Hill Community Church almost 18 years ago, my youngest son, David, was in third grade. They have a Children’s Ministry there, and David would go down during the service. Now, I firmly believe that as a parent, I need to help out in the area my child was involved in, and this season, it was the Children’s Ministry.

I began helping as an assistant in a classroom down in the ministry. There, I slowly built relationships with the children as well as the Children’s Ministry team. After two years, David moved on to the youth group ministry. So I moved into that ministry with him. I would help out here or there, and then I was helping on Wednesday nights, since we lived 4o minutes from the church and I had to be there to drive him.

As I served in Youth Ministry, I would take time to get to know the kids. I spent time with them at church and slowly began doing some things outside of church. God was doing something during that time. At first, I was there just for my son, helping him adjust and be a part of what he was doing. When he graduated, I stayed to continue helping with the youth for several years after.

All along the way, I asked questions, I listened, and I took time to. Talk with them and spend time together. I loved these girls with great intentionality and in the way I was able.

My teen and young adult years were my hardest, I think. I was in a dark place, deep depression, and the transition in coming back to Jesus after my spiritual detour was painful, weary, and challenging on so many levels. I did not have really any friends or mentors to help pull me in the right direction until a little later on.

This has been where my heart has been the deepest for ministry. I didn’t know how, necessarily, but I wanted to be able to pour into these girls after they left High School and went to college. So I started a small group of 3 young ladies who had graduated.

This doesn’t just happen.

As I look back, I see the preparation for nurturing and growing these relationships.

It started with serving in children’s ministry, the youth ministry, and with young adults. It starts with saying, “HI!”, and continues with, “How are you?” and “Can I pray for you?” It takes time listening, talking, and spending quality time together.

Trust begins when someone knows you love them.

Relationships can’t go deep without trust.

Discipleship and mentoring can’t happen without both.

There was a girl, and I desperately wanted to get to her heart, but walls can be thick sometimes with good reason. The process becomes like playing an accordion, in and out. But I knew God had put this relationship here, and I was not going to give up. I stayed. I didn’t get frustrated and walk away because it was too hard. After 3 years, the walls came down, and it became a sweet relationship.

Part of the fruit of the Spirit is perseverance, and in 1 Corinthians 13, it tells us that love is patient, and love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails.

At the time, I didn’t know serving in children’s ministry would lead to youth ministry, then to young adult ministry, and eventually to discipling and mentoring young women.

God was preparing me to be ready to do that well. I have made mistakes and had to apologize. I have had to say I don’t have the answer and I can’t fix this, but I can pray. God has helped me grow in it and through it, and he continues to do so.

These are not one-sided relationships either. I have learned from these young women. I have been loved, blessed, prayed over, and cared for by them. I did not have daughters, but God has given me spiritual ones.

I want to encourage you to see where God has you, to look around and see who He has put around you, and ask HIm where you need to be intentionally loving and building relationships. You don’t know where He may lead you.

Building relationships and trust is an essential part of discipleship and mentoring. Focus there and let God lead. He will continue to bless you, surprise you, and grow you along the way.