Communication is the key to many things in life. When there is no communication, things are left unclear and scattered. Miscommunication is inevitable because, as human beings, we try to fill in the blanks of what we don’t know. Our minds begin swirling with all that could be going on, the what-ifs, and could-be’s. When things aren’t communicated, others can’t possibly know what you are thinking and feeling, even though we would love to believe people are mind readers or that those who are close enough should know what’s in there, right?!

I have had to learn communication skills. I did not always have the best examples of how to communicate well, and no one really taught me to advocate for myself until later in life.

For me, as a deaf person, and especially as one with hearing aids and cochlear implants, I have to constantly let people know they need to look at me so I can see their face. FaceTime and Marco Polo are better for me than a phone call. I can’t understand you when you attempt to whisper in my ear. I need extra help in noisy places, and I definitely won’t be able to hear you behind me. I do those things well because I also have captions on my phone and my computer.

What I have learned is that you need your hearing for almost everything in this life, and that is incredibly challenging. Almost everything I do requires work, because even with the tools I am grateful to have in my life, they don’t “fix” me and make me a hearing person. I am and will always be a deaf person unless God decides to do a miracle and gives it back to me.

Yet, when people see me. They don’t realize that. They see how well I do and figure I am fine. But why would they think otherwise if I haven’t communicated anything to suggest otherwise?

When we say we are deaf, we don’t need people yelling at us. Some deaf people only communicate in sign language, others lipread and need captions and notes, and still others use all of the above. Just because we have hearing aids or cochlear implants doesn’t mean we can hear or understand everything that is happening around us.

Our responsibility Is to communicate these needs

When we don’t communicate our needs, frustration, bitterness, and resentment can pop up on both sides. People can feel hurt and as though they aren’t worth being loved in the way they need to be. Relationships can become awkward or fall apart entirely. This can happen in any relationship where communication is lacking.

I am learning to do this better. For a long time, I just didn’t say much. I would try to blend in with everyone around me, but it became impossible because I am not like everyone else. I need help to understand what is going on around me. I live with all kinds of strategies to live life the way I do. I have cried often because I can’t do things the way everyone else can. Social events are some of the hardest for me. I often leave feeling pretty defeated, hurt, and left out. I do my best to be a part of things, but I end up falling into the background while others continue on.

If you asked most people who know me, they would be surprised to hear that, given how I do things most of the time or what I do in life.

I have been convicted of the ways I need to start communicating more. I am working on doing that, and being here is part of it. I want to be part of helping others see their need to communicate their needs as well, not in a demanding, ‘you need to serve me’ attitude, but in a way that says, ‘These are the things I need to do this well. Will you help me?’

This is part of loving one another. Everyone needs love, help, and support in some way.

So if you are a person with a disability, ask yourself if you are communicating your needs well. Are there areas where you could do this better?

For those of you who do not have a disability and are around those who do, I ask you to listen and hear what they are saying. Be willing to accommodate in ways that help them feel part of what is going on and that they are worth the effort.

These two things could change life for everyone for the better.