Every year our youth group goes to Soulfest which is like a Christian Woodstock experience. They go up a few days early to have some quality time together before the concerts start. They camp out in tents and take a step away from technology and life. It has always proven to be a mountaintop experience in more than one way.
Over the years I have thought it would be fun to go but especially with my hearing, I felt it would be way too much. I serve in other ways with the youth. I have too many limitations and struggles to deal with in situations like this so I settled on the fact that it was a good place for my son David to go by himself but it would not be something I would ever do.
[tweetthis]Never say never to God.[/tweetthis]
This year our Youth Pastor specifically asked me to pray about going. Since he asked me I needed to bring it to God and began praying about it and talking to my husband.
There are many things I have to think about. I need a place to have down time or get a sensory break as I would call it. I need to unplug so I can recharge both literally and physically. I have to take my cochlear implants off to go take a shower. When they are off I hear absolutely nothing really. I do not like the feeling that I need to be chaperoned myself. Then there is all my cochlear implant equipment that needs to be recharged nightly. Where would I plug it all in and there is always a money factor. My husband and I also get many chances to date and have some quality time during this week. I would be giving that up on top of everything else.
I laid these things down at my heavenly Father’s feet and asked Him what to do.
For some people this may not seem like it should be a big dilemma. I can assure you, with the limitations and hearing struggles I have, it becomes much bigger. This is WAY out of my comfort zone.
I am a girl who can think of every scenario, every what if moment. I have an incredible fear of being overwhelmed and stuck. I love these kids as though they are my own and I don’t want to ruin my witness in a moment of weariness.
I wrestled with it all in my mind, heart, and prayer.
This year our elder and his wife are going. They have an RV and are willing to have me stay. They have places to plug in my equipment and a shower that can be used by me. Our Youth Pastor and my husband assured me that money would work out. My son was good with me going and did not feel like I would be intruding on his time. Slowly, my excuses were being taken away from me. My husband even assured me that if I was truly overwhelmed and needed to come home, he would come and get me,
The only thing stopping me at that point is fear. I am afraid I won’t be very helpful. I wonder if the kids would really want me there, Will God really be able to use me in anyway? Do I even know how to have fun and enjoy the time?
This past week we had youth Sunday at our church. What a powerful day that was. Some of the youth, including my son participated in a Human Video, there were testimonies, worship, and a message from our Youth Pastor. They played videos of this year’s past. I have walked beside some of these kids for years now. I have watched them grow and what a blessing to see such fruit. I heard God say to me I need to let go of the fear and go to Soulfest and I needed to commit before I left.
When we left, I text our Youth Pastor and committed to go. Once I say yes, that is my word so here goes nothing.
I don’t know what the adventure will look like. I know it will be more than I could ever dream or imagine because that is what God does.
[tweetthis]I know when I move past fear into obedience that He goes before me,He strengthens me, He is above all my limitations[/tweetthis] and He IS my strength in weakness.[tweetthis][tweetthis]I know this will be another step in my walk towards freedom in Him[/tweetthis] and another step in moving towards all He wants to do in and through me.
On the other side of this never, there will be a testimony.
Never say never to God because with Him all things are possible.
What do your nevers look like? I encourage you to lay them down before Him and seek Him. Is He calling you into a place where that never needs to be replaced with wherever You want me to go? I encourage you to follow Him wherever He leads, even if it was once a never.